Social Distance Parenting
- Dr. Deanna Conley
- Mar 17, 2020
- 5 min read
Updated: Jan 23, 2021
So here we are, after weeks of watching Coronavirus coverage across the globe, it has finally landed itself in our backyard, and subsequently landed our children in our homes… all day… every day. The good news is that there is no pandemic requirement that you suddenly become the Pinterest Parent of the Year. With that said, you are going to need a few tricks up your sleeve to help you and your family recalibrate and find your new normal. Below are five tips for flourishing as an Accidental Stay at Home Parent.
1. STRUCTURE
Both children and adults alike thrive when there is a set routine and structure to our days. Structure does NOT mean packing every minute of every day full of activities, because that is not sustainable or realistic. Structure DOES mean developing a flow and rhythm that you work towards following each day. Set a schedule that works for your family and be sure to reference it throughout your day so that your children know that there is a plan in place. Children feel safe when immersed in routine, which is critical now more than ever in this state of flux. You may even wish to enlist your child in helping you create a Visual Schedule where you draw pictures together of each activity you will do each day. Pro Tip: Keep the activity vague, such as “Project Time” so that it can be applicable day in and day out. If you’re feeling fancy, put velcro on the back of the pictures and let your child move them as you complete each activity.
A sample schedule may look something like this:
2. “Project Plan” Your Week
There has been a big trend to use our Sundays to Meal Plan for the week so that we have grab and go meals throughout our busy days. Apply this same concept to your daily activities and Project Plan instead! Spend some time on the weekend prepping activities for each day. Keep it simple, such as, making play-doh, pulling some favorite but forgotten board games, or gathering a pile of books to read and act out. Remember, your projects should not involve a million steps and materials, because, kids. Then when you reach an activity time in your day, you have an activity prepped and ready to go! You would be surprised by how much accidental screen time comes in these moments when no one knows what to do. It’s easy to fall back on the couch and turn the TV on, but this tends to happen less when there is a schedule being followed and a plan in place. You’ll find that both you and your kids will be looking forward to what is coming next!
3. Give Yourself Some Grace
Entering into this new world of social distancing will take some time to adjust. Allow for the discomfort that may come while you collectively downshift your gears and recalibrate to a much slower speed. It is not realistic to think that you will be crafting and educating and playing all day long, or that you’ll have all new and original activities prepped each week, especially in the beginning. Your children may have more time than usual in front of the TV, and the world will not end. Try to build screen time into your schedule, as you know there will be times when you all need a break from one another. When you take time to plan for screen time, two things will happen: 1. Your children will be less inclined to beg you for screen time because they know time will be allowed at specific intervals throughout the day, and 2. You do not need to feel such parent guilt over it because you know it is part of your plan, it has a beginning and an end, and it’s balanced with all of the other fun activities you’ve got planned for the day!
4. Get Comfortable with Boredom
We are all so accustomed to operating at such a fast pace to the point where doing one thing at a time is no longer considered productive, and we must now be in a constant state of multi-tasking to be successful. We have the same tendency with our children when we over book their days with music classes, art classes, sports, playdates, and school time. As a result, many children do not know what to do when there is “nothing” to do; however, there is a magic moment in the midst of boredom where creativity is born! Repeat after me: “You are not a camp director!” While having structure and routine is vital for children, it is not your responsibility to have every moment of their day scheduled and planned for. Build some “Free Choice” activity times into the day where your children are given the space to self-select toys and games, to engage in pretend play, to CREATE or INVENT something new! While it may feel foreign at first, restrain yourself from fixing or helping – let them problem solve on their own in the safety of your home, so that one day they will be able to think creatively and problem solve on their own in the real world. And if they tell you they are “Soooo Bored!” then be sure to reply with, “GREAT!”
5. Embrace the Chaos
I have often thought that cleaning a house with a toddler should be an Olympic event, because it’s a near impossible task! During these next few weeks, give yourself permission to lean into the chaos. It’s going to be okay if the laundry does not get folded until the next day, or if all of the breakfast dishes join the lunch dishes. Pick up when you can and relax about it when you can’t. Wear your pajamas from dawn till dusk. Save your shower for another day. Another social distancing perk – no one is showing up at your house for an unexpected visit or even a planned playdate any time soon! Being home for many days in a row with a house full of little and big humans is going to get loud, and messy, and my goodness… possibly even fun!
At the end of the day, children are really craving only one thing from their parents, and that is attention. And they are quite skilled at getting it in both positive and negative forms. More than toys, games, and a million activities, children just want us to be present and focused on them – there is no greater prize in their little worlds. Perhaps we are in the midst of nature hitting its reset button, and I welcome us all to do the same. So, let’s put our phones down and be okay with that work email getting a later response, and for this beautiful brief moment in time, crawl into their worlds… chase some bubbles, listen to their stories with all your heart, tumble on the floor, have a dance party, laugh, bake mud pies, and most of all, love on these little creatures with all you have, because if we’ve learned anything from the past few weeks, life is uncertain and should be cherished in all of its messy forms.
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